Bench Report No. 0001 · Unit: Fried Cat, Rev A

Fried Cat, Rev A Bench Report

Device dossier for a visibly non-functional couch module.

Fried Cat, Rev A unit, seated on a couch with a lit cigarette, green eyes fixed on a distant point

Ear tip · Q1 Tail ember · Q3 Couch imprint edge

FRIED · STILL FRIED · SMOLDERING STANDBY · REV A · NO SECONDARY STATES ACHIEVED · POWER CYCLE LOGGED · FRIED · STILL FRIED · SMOLDERING STANDBY · REV A · NO SECONDARY STATES ACHIEVED · POWER CYCLE LOGGED · FRIED · STILL FRIED · SMOLDERING STANDBY · REV A · NO SECONDARY STATES ACHIEVED · POWER CYCLE LOGGED · FRIED · STILL FRIED · SMOLDERING STANDBY · REV A · NO SECONDARY STATES ACHIEVED · POWER CYCLE LOGGED ·

Bench Findings

Fig. 01

Badge

Unit: Fried Cat, Rev A · Indicator: solid amber = smoldering standby. Plate finish: riveted corten, weld seams visible at quadrants 0/90/180/270. Blueprint grid underlay with 5 mm ticks; leader lines pin to ear tip, tail ember, and couch imprint edge.

Fig. 02

Status Readout

FRIED

Diagnostic completion

Primary state: FRIED. On operator power cycle: STILL FRIED. Refresh cadence matches ember pulse. No secondary states achieved during bench testing; unit presents steady forge-glow at mouth end regardless of operator intent.

Fried Cat unit, paws flat, cutout illustration

Fig. 03

Set Specs

Ash Density 0.62 g/cm² across dorsal panel; minor drift during HVAC events (see plume arrows).
Stare Duration fixed-target gaze, 23 min avg, unblinking; pupils register as low-albedo wells under task light.
Couch Imprint perimeter 68 cm, depth 14 mm at max; fabric melt evident along whisker axis; foam rebound negligible.

Fig. 04

Incident Log

2026-08-13 14:32:08 UTC

Unexpected ignition event at mouth end; brief "fthp" noted; upholstery acted as wick; flame self-quenched; lingering aroma consistent with caramelized kibble.

Fried Cat unit, paws raised, lighter beside it, cutout illustration

Fig. 05

Controls + UI

Power Cycle: toggles ember brightness between "dim concern" and "active smolder," flips Status between FRIED and STILL FRIED; no change to thermal reality. Progress channel: 0-94% then stalls; resumes at 0% upon any interaction; never completes. Overlays: ear-to-tail baseline, scorch gradient legend, airflow arrows, and small tick marks for posture sag; all annotations remain deadly serious.